9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
My Lenten practice this year is to let go of one lie I have believed about myself each week of Lent. This week that lie is "I am not enough." It's a hard one to let go of because I have believed it for so long...and the Teller of Lies likes to make sure I hear it...either from others or just over and over in my own head.
Once when I was young I received a letter from a young man...he told me many things in that letter. But the one thing that stood out was when he told me that I couldn't possible satisfy him for the rest of his life. That I wasn't enough. And that stayed with me. My marriage of 22 years has failed....and in my mind that has been yet another message to me....that I am not enough.
I've had a tendency toward perfectionism a good portion of my life. I had to get straight A's in school, had to do as much as I could...get things done just right, the house clean just so (which it never was or is!) And when I couldn't live up to my own, very high and sometimes impossible standards....I knew it....I wasn't enough.
As a mom, I've made more mistakes than I want to admit. I have often felt a failure. When I've used words too harsh, imposed consequences too tough, held expectations too high...made tears fall from my children's eyes...oh, I have believed I am not a good enough mother. When someone close to me said they didn't even like my children??? I believed I was not enough... But a recent letter I got from my daughter who is 13, assured me that she treasures me, that even though I believe in my own failure...my beautiful girl says I am not...letters from my boys at the same time told me of their love for me...so maybe....I am enough for them....
And what does God say? "My grace is sufficient for you...." God's grace falls over me, washing away the lie....telling me that through Him, because of His grace...I am enough. I AM enough. I might make mistakes....not everyone out there is going to like me (ack!)...I may still feel down on myself sometimes...but God loves me. ME! And His love and grace make me whole. Make me enough.
Thank you, my Father God...for making me enough...for covering me in Your grace...I lay this lie at the foot of the cross. I lift up my face and praise You.