Below is a "note" I originally posted on facebook on March 1, 2011 - still new in this journey, but already finding my world going topsy-turvy as my marriage was falling apart and other things were going on. I spent many sleepless nights praying, crying, praying some more.
Last night God asked me "Do you trust me?" And I thought of the discussion with my Mary Martha sisters at growth group yesterday, and I said "Yes!" And God asked me again..."Do you trust me?" And so I thought quickly, and said "Yes, but.." He interrupted me and said very firmly "Do you trust ME?" And I said, "Yes!"
This morning my thoughts were very jumbled as I remembered this middle of the night conversation with my Father in heaven. Do I trust Him? All the way to my very core? Or is there some little bit of me that holds back and says..."well, but what if I get hurt? What if I am scared of what's coming because I don't know what's coming? What if it's bad? What if it's not?"
Everywhere I look lately there are blog posts, and devotions in my email, and sermons on Sunday morning that say to me...all you have to do is trust in the great I AM. All I have to do? That's a lot. That's hard. Or is it?
Peter, do you love me? Yes Lord. Feed my lambs. Peter, do you love me? Yes Lord. Take care of my sheep. Peter, do you love me? Yes Lord. Feed my sheep.
We stumble, we fall. Jesus holds out his hand to pick us back up again. He says a word and calms our storms. He lights our path so that we do not walk in darkness. He wraps his mighty, strong arms around us and holds us close. He keeps all his promises. He is always there. Always.
And so do I trust Him? Yes. And I lay my worries and anxieties and fears at the foot of the cross...and try very hard to leave them there. And when I forget, He reminds me through those posts, and sermons and friends who say "Put them back, and trust."
Since this day in March, God has asked me many times..."Do you trust ME?" And sometimes I answer strongly "YES, Lord." and sometimes it's a little weaker. And sometimes, I am just not sure. But God has a way of taking even the unsure...and growing it into something stronger. I journey on....