Recent happenings...and trusting God

Again, this is a recent "note" from my facebook postings, so if you are a friend on facebook, this will be familiar already, just slightly edited.

When God told me at the beginning of the year that I would be learning to trust Him this year, I thought "I do trust you, God." Well, it's been quite a year so far and I am learning that what I thought was trust, was pretty weak by God's standards. I am learning and growing and finding that trusting God is NOT always easy, but when you do it..God is always faithful. Always. "Do you trust Me?" He asks me this almost daily lately. "Do you trust ME?"

My husband and I separated two months ago. Separation is not something I went into lightly for many reasons...and definitely not without a lot of prayer and focus on God and His will for my life. God has been guiding me and leading me through this time. I am grateful for all He does for me. I have learned a lot about myself and what I want for my life, and I have grown so much in my relationship with my Lord.

About three weeks ago, I got a new lesson in trust. I found a lump in my left breast. Rather large, somewhat painful and truly frightening. Today I got an appointment and had it checked. It was a draining day waiting for the appointment time. I prayed, asked dear friends to pray, and when it was time, went to my appointment. The ARNP I saw was fairly certain that the TWO lumps I had, and a smaller one on the other side are fibrocystic. I was scheduled to have a mammogram and ultrasound the following week. And the results did show that they were all cysts. Nothing needed to be done about them, go back in a year. Thank the Lord! It was so hard to wait during those weeks, but I just kept praying and putting it all in God's hands every time I started to panic....which was often!

I have another issue, too. Which I will not go into right now, but it involves relationships and a lot of lessons in honesty, how we treat others, how mistakes we make hurt people more than we realize, and how important it is to think before you react so that the truth is conveyed and understood the way it should be. Every relationship we have in life is complex in different ways. Some more than others. Some less. But if God is a part of everything we do, anything is possible. Trust Him with every relationship, whether family, loved one, or friend.

Trusting in God. What does it really involve? Here's what I've learned so far this year:

1. Worry is not trusting God. Worry is letting human fears get in the way of what God has planned for us. Worry doesn't change anything, or fix anything, or really even help anything. It robs you of sleep, appetite, motivation. It keeps you from getting closer to God.

2. Trust is waiting. And not just waiting, but waiting with patience. Two very difficult things to do. But over the last few months, I have found many, many instances in God's Word that He has told me to wait. Wait on Him. Wait on His time. Wait and wait patiently.

3. Trust is being thankful. Yep, all the time thankful. Even in the rotten stuff. I was thankful for the prayers of friends. I was thankful that I found a doctor's office that was able to get me in...quickly. (Not easy when you don't have a doctor!) I was thankful for the pain in my body that drove me to get it checked out. When things go good it's easy to be thankful. But when you discover that you've hurt a friend, that you've failed in a relationship, that you are sick....it's not so easy to be thankful. But when we trust God, we are thankful in every circumstance. Easy? No. But when you stop in the middle of the pain and think of your blessings in spite of it...yes, you can be thankful. Romans 5:3-4 says: Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

4. Trust is knowing God is always there and never doubting Him. When we step out of the boat, do we walk on the water to Jesus? Or do we look at the waves and feel the wind and start to sink? Fortunately, like Peter, we can cry out to Him, "Jesus, save me" and He will. Always.

5. Trust is surrendering all to Jesus. Giving all the worry, all the fear, all the hurt, all the frustration and anger, all the stuff right over into His nail-pierced, strong hands. Those hands that healed, those hands that were nailed to a cross. Those hands that reach out and lift us up when we fall. Those hands that surround us with His love. Give it all to Him - and don't take it back.

6. Trust is focusing on God. Eyes on Jesus. Walking in the Spirit. All the time, every day.

I'm pretty sure that God has more in store for me. Lately, I have felt like I couldn't possibly stand another blow. But I have God to hold me up. And I trust that He will. I don't know what the future holds. But I know that I can hold on to His promises. Not that long ago as I prayed at the river's edge, I looked up and saw a rainbow. Faint but there. A reminder that when He promises us something...He never goes back on that promise. There is much to be thankful for...and do I trust God? Yes.

Thank you for stopping by today. I hope you have a blessed day, and that you are also learning to trust God a little more each day!

Hugs, Kelly

Late night conversation with God

Below is a "note" I originally posted on facebook on March 1, 2011 - still new in this journey, but already finding my world going topsy-turvy as my marriage was falling apart and other things were going on. I spent many sleepless nights praying, crying, praying some more.

Last night God asked me "Do you trust me?" And I thought of the discussion with my Mary Martha sisters at growth group yesterday, and I said "Yes!" And God asked me again..."Do you trust me?" And so I thought quickly, and said "Yes, but.." He interrupted me and said very firmly "Do you trust ME?" And I said, "Yes!"

This morning my thoughts were very jumbled as I remembered this middle of the night conversation with my Father in heaven. Do I trust Him? All the way to my very core? Or is there some little bit of me that holds back and says..."well, but what if I get hurt? What if I am scared of what's coming because I don't know what's coming? What if it's bad? What if it's not?"

Everywhere I look lately there are blog posts, and devotions in my email, and sermons on Sunday morning that say to me...all you have to do is trust in the great I AM. All I have to do? That's a lot. That's hard. Or is it?

Peter, do you love me? Yes Lord. Feed my lambs. Peter, do you love me? Yes Lord. Take care of my sheep. Peter, do you love me? Yes Lord. Feed my sheep.

Follow me.

We stumble, we fall. Jesus holds out his hand to pick us back up again. He says a word and calms our storms. He lights our path so that we do not walk in darkness. He wraps his mighty, strong arms around us and holds us close. He keeps all his promises. He is always there. Always.

And so do I trust Him? Yes. And I lay my worries and anxieties and fears at the foot of the cross...and try very hard to leave them there. And when I forget, He reminds me through those posts, and sermons and friends who say "Put them back, and trust."

Since this day in March, God has asked me many times..."Do you trust ME?" And sometimes I answer strongly "YES, Lord." and sometimes it's a little weaker. And sometimes, I am just not sure. But God has a way of taking even the unsure...and growing it into something stronger. I journey on....

Trusting God - One word

At the beginning of the year, I read many other blog posts about choosing a word for the year. Now last year, 2010, I chose the word "change." I prayed for change in many areas of my life...had actually been praying for changes for quite some time. And God certainly answered those prayers. I had so many different experiences last year, and so many changes in my life - both big and small - that I am not sure I even consciously recognized all of them. But as I look back now, I see the path last year took....and how it lead to what is happening this year. And I am amazed at what God does!

So this year, as I contemplated my word for 2011...a theme, if you will...I came up with a couple different things, like "simplify" and "anti-procrastination." But over and over, God kept showing me another word. And it was a word that scared me. It's a big word. A hard word. A word to which my heart cries out "I want to, but it's hard, God!" But every time I turned around there it was...in a song, in a daily devotional, in a blog post, in a text, in something I saw on facebook, in the passages I read in the Bible each day. Finally, I threw up my hands and said, "I get it, God! I get it! My word for this year is TRUST!" I didn't choose it...God did.

So what does that mean? Trust. I looked up the definition:

trust

   [truhst}
noun

1.reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.confident expectation of something; hope.

3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.

4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.


Interesting, those definitions, wouldn't you say? How many lessons can come out of this one word? What is this year showing me so far? God is definitely keeping me on my toes. I am being broken, changed, lifted up, taken down, and left reeling from the rollercoaster ride that is my life this year. I am learning how to look for the lessons in the things that happen...the good and the bad. I am learning how to be thankful, even when things seem so very wrong. I am learning to praise God in the storms, even when I would rather rant at Him. I am learning that even when I do rant at Him, He listens and waits patiently for me to put it all back in His strong and capable hands.

So I hope you will join me on my journey. Maybe I can share some things with you that will make your journey, your relationship with our Heavenly Father a little closer. And maybe you can share your thoughts or experiences with me that can help me see a little more clearly what God is doing this year.

Trust God. He is bigger than anything in and of this world.